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VDOT Admits HRBT Construction Is Primarily Intended to Create Illusion of Progress
HAMPTON, VA: After years of construction, lane closures, traffic delays, and billions of dollars in spending, state officials have reportedly acknowledged that the primary purpose of the HRBT Expansion Project is to create the illusion that Hampton Roads will someday improve.
“The public wanted us to fix Hampton Roads,” explained one state official. “We obviously can't fix the underlying problems, so we decided to spend several billion dollars on a tunnel to make it look like we're doing something.”
According to officials, the region's real transportation problem has little to do with the number of lanes available. Rather, Hampton Roads has developed an economy in which thousands of people work in places they have absolutely no desire to live, forcing them to spend hours each day commuting from more pleasant and safer communities.
“People want to live in Williamsburg, York County, and Virginia Beach,” explained a regional transportation researcher. “Unfortunately, many of the jobs are in places people are afraid to be outside of business hours.”
“We have people who would rather stare at the brake lights of a 2009 Nissan Altima for 90 minutes than live ten minutes from work,” the researcher explained. “And frankly, we understand.”
“The region has somehow convinced itself that the solution to decades of poor urban planning is to make it easier to drive around the consequences,” the researcher added.
VDOT officials acknowledged that adding lanes does nothing to address this fundamental problem but argued that the construction itself serves an important psychological purpose.
“When people are sitting in traffic surrounded by cranes, concrete barriers, and orange barrels, they believe something is being fixed,” said one official. “Without construction, they'd eventually realize this is just what living here is like.”
Asked what happens when the project is complete, the surrounding communities are still struggling, and traffic remains just as miserable, the official seemed unconcerned.
“We'll announce another project. People love progress.”