Politics ·
Spanberger Renames American Eagle the “Virginia Eagle” to Flip the Bird at Trump
RICHMOND, VA - Fresh off Virginia’s controversial redistricting victory, Gov. Abigail Spanberger announced Tuesday that the Commonwealth is once again taking matters into its own hands, this time by renaming the American Bald Eagle the Virginia Eagle.
The governor’s office described the move as a continuation of Virginia’s ongoing effort to respond to President Donald Trump’s increasingly aggressive campaign to put “America” in front of anything that stands still long enough.
“If Washington can rename things, Virginia can rename things,” a spokesperson for Spanberger said. “Trump seems to think this is a game. Well, two can play this game. We’ve already proven that. We watched Texas redraw its congressional map,” they said. “Virginia responded. Now Trump is renaming bodies of water, so Virginia is renaming birds.”
Included in this effort, the renaming also eliminates the word “bald,” which administration officials say has become unnecessarily problematic. “There’s nothing wrong with being bald,” the spokesperson explained as he adjusted the cap covering his bare head. “We felt that even though Trump didn’t give it the name “Bald Eagle” he was poking fun at those with fewer hair follicles than him every time he used the term.”
When questioned about voters’ support of this disruptive change, the governor’s office pointed to an overwhelming 51% of Virginians supporting the redistricting plan as proof that Spanberger has a clear mandate to move forward with the Virginia Eagle initiative.
“Virginians are wholeheartedly united behind Spanberger. I am actually a little disturbed that you would even question her decision.”
When asked again whether the remaining 49% of Virginians had been consulted, the spokesperson reportedly responded, “Who cares.”