Politics ·
Officials Rename “Nor’easter” to “Nor-Non-Religious-Holiday” to Avoid Offending Anyone
WILLIAMSBURG, VA: In an effort to make severe weather more inclusive, officials announced Tuesday that the term “Nor’easter” will be phased out and replaced with the more culturally sensitive “Nor-Non-Religious-Holiday.”
Officials said the longstanding term “Nor’easter” had become problematic because of its close proximity to the word “Easter,” potentially creating the impression that 45-mph winds, coastal flooding, and sideways rain were somehow affiliated with Christianity.
“We learned a lot from the Washington (Redsk*ns),” explained a spokesperson for the newly formed Office of Meteorological Belonging. “They realized a football team’s name could potentially offend people, so they changed it. We realized the same thing could happen with weather. Frankly, we’re a little embarrassed it took us this long.”
The spokesperson stressed that the goal isn’t to eliminate dangerous storms, only to ensure they don’t make anyone uncomfortable for the wrong reasons.
“No Virginian should look outside at a tree crushing their Cadillac and wonder whether that tree represents a faith tradition they don’t personally observe,” she said. “You should be upset because your car is destroyed, not because the storm may have a religious affiliation.”
Officials considered several alternatives, including “Nor-Holiday,” “Nor-Winter Celebration,” and “Severe Seasonal Event of No Particular Religious Significance,” before settling on Nor-Non-Religious-Holiday.
Local meteorologists have reportedly struggled with the transition.
“We expect a Nor-Non-Religious-Holiday to move up the coast Thursday evening,” one forecaster practiced before stopping halfway through.
“You know what? Big-ass storm. There’s a big-ass storm coming.”