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Bat With Rabies Found In Toano, But It's Just Toano
TOANO, VA - A bat found last week, probably in the back of a rusted-out car, tested positive for rabies, health officials announced Friday, though several Williamsburg residents admitted they were not entirely sure how anyone noticed.
"I mean, good for the health department, but have you been to Toano?" said one unnamed Williamsburg resident. "People wander around out there all day between vape shops, tractors, gravel driveways, and whatever those buildings are that look like they sell both bait and tax services. How did they isolate the bat as the concerning part?"
Health officials urged anyone who may have been exposed to the bat to contact the Peninsula Health District, while Williamsburg residents urged one another to avoid Toano unless I-64 is backed up on the way to the airport. "The only time I go through Toano is when traffic is terrible," said another resident. "And even then, I keep the windows up to keep the smell of 'The Poors' out."
County officials did not say whether the bat was found near a mobile home, a tire swing, a shed full of firewood, or any of the other Toano landmarks Williamsburg residents use as evidence that a place has "gone feral" rather than simply contains people who know how to fix things.
By Friday afternoon, Toano residents were reportedly continuing their lives, repairing vehicles, hauling things, maintaining property, and generally performing the blue-collar tasks Williamsburg pretends are unsightly right up until a pipe bursts.
Health officials reminded the public to vaccinate pets and avoid contact with wildlife, while Williamsburg residents just said, "Of course it was Toano."