Local ·
July Fourth in Colonial Williamsburg
WILLIAMSBURG, VA — Thousands of Colonial Williamsburg tourists had been sitting in the sun for six hours waiting on the July 4th fireworks display when news of an NBC headline referring to Philadelphia as "the true home of American independence" began to spread.
The article raised a question that none of the tourists seemed eager to answer out loud: isn't it, though?
"I looked it up during the fireworks," said Casey Reyes, 39, a parent of two, scrolling her phone on the Palace Green. "It turns out, nothing really happened in Williamsburg on July 4th after all." Turning to her husband Matt, adorned in red, white, and blue, she said, "Wait, so why did we drive all the way here from Michigan?"
"I just assumed it was here," he said, still clutching a $14 souvenir tricorn hat. "Everything else important happened here. It just felt right."
Many residents were in agreement with the headline, saying they had known this all along and didn't really understand what the big deal was, but they kept quiet because it was good for the local economy.
Colonial Williamsburg officials reportedly convened an emergency call within the hour of the story breaking to discuss messaging, ultimately settling on a new slogan for future materials: Williamsburg: We Had the Meetings Before the Meeting That Mattered.
However, officials declined to comment on the story, only stating that the butter churning and blacksmithing would continue "regardless of what happened or didn't happen here in 1776."
By the end of the night, Mr. Reyes had reportedly purchased a second tricorn hat "out of spite," and was overheard telling his children that Philadelphia "probably isn't even that old."